You've read the symptons and clearly must identify yourself as needing my world renowned assistance..... that's why you chose to visit me here.

I can offer a descrete service in a place of your choosing. Alternatively make an appointment to visit my purpose built surgery.... be assured the steam engine is kept in a separate room and will therefore not interfere with your treatment.

Treatment will include either hand or mechanical pubic manipulation to induce hysterical paroxysm guaranteed to cure all ailments. A course of treatments are recommended and will build to extremely strong hysterical paroxysm towards the end..... BEWARE THIS MAY BECOME ADDICTIVE!

From my humble beginnings of purely hand maniputlation, treatments have taken a varied path in order to reduce repetitive strain to my hands and include mechanical, steam and electrical medical instruments.

For all diseases of the mid quarter from neck to knee. Through the magic power of fine gentle massage.